The Window of Opportunity

A bit put-out

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 20:50:02 GMT

I finished reading Maximum Ride: The Final Warning just now. Mostly because I just realized how little I read now compared to two years ago and found it depressing. The series is a remnant of my childhood. Teenhood? Idk, I liked it when I was younger. I liked Max's not-gonna-tolerate-adult-bullcrap attitude, and I liked the fierce adventures and all-around ass-kicking of the flock. Maybe it's because I've outgrown the target age group, but I didn't really care for this recent volume. It seemed there was...very little story and very much preaching.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not denying that there's global warming. I'm not even denying that humans have a hand in it. Eh, I could go on and on, but really, I don't have enough sources to form a proper argument. Just say I'm very convinced that a lot of the "information" out there is alarmist and WAY too hyped. Even in the event that it's humans that are the root cause of global warming and not just nature being herself, people are lazy and will not band together to change no matter what is said to them. I do believe the ONLY reason the green-movement started was because of the fuel prices (there's some kind of conspiracy behind that one, don't even kid yourself). Only when oil became inconvenient did people start seeking alternatives. And really, that's what's going to have to happen. Green resources will have to be the quicker, easier, and cheaper alternative if you want people to choose them over what they're used to.

It's a good idea to use books aimed at young people to get young people excited about world issues, but the issue of global warming seemed to just pop out of ever-loving NOWHERE, suddenly the prime directive of our flock. It was forced compared to the life-or-death struggles they faced before. I don't even want to try to make sense of ending, all those cut-and-paste elements thrown together in an attempt at climax and resolution.

I wonder if ANY of the books were good, or if it's me that's changed. Nothing is as good as how you remember it, especially things from when you were younger. Artemis Fowl was another series of mine. I was totally taken by Artemis's anti-hero charm, which sadly is starting to lack in recent volumes. Should I ever write a series, I hope I'll never continue it just for the sake of continuation. Let it only go on as long as it takes to tell the story.

Harry Potter might be one of the few things that remained good throughout my experience with it. This is because the story grew at the same rate that I did. The first book came out while I was the target audience, and the new ones continued to become slightly darker and adult as I grew and became more experienced. It's the type of story that all ages can enjoy, but really, I don't think it's possible to simulate the experience of that specific generation who grew up with it.

Though I will admit I'm with the "Didn't care for the epilogue" crowd.

Aah~

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 02:01:33 GMT

I wish I had those old documents of my first (and second, I suppose) attempts to write a novel. That was back when I was like, 12, so it's on my first Mac. I'd like to read them so I can see how far I've come and maybe be a bit embarrassed that I thought it was good.

It's like when I look at my old pictures. The few I have left, anyway.

...

Wishing to be shameless

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 01:11:19 GMT

I sometimes wish I was more shameless, or even just a bad person.

Maybe it has something to do with my out-of-whack depression issues, but I often feel inadequate for the stupidest reasons. If someone says or does something hurtful, or if something doesn't quite go your way, it's normal to feel a sense of negativity. But even the smallest flaws in my day stick out prominently in my mind, overshadowing any accomplishments and crippling my productivity.

I'm not a bad person. I'm sure of it because I feel guilt if I do something wrong, and if on the occasion I do something I KNOW I shouldn't, it haunts me. But I sometimes wonder if it would be easier to be a bad person and not have to worry about such things. I'm tired of feeling guilt and shame and weakness. It hurts. I wish I could shrug things off. Can only people with strong dispositions do that, or am I just weak compared to most?

Is there a way to become more shameless? It feels like an ingrained aspect of a personality. I keep trying to not care, but the more I try, the more it creeps into my mind and soon it's the only thing I can think about. I imagine it's like what people with OCD have to go through...

I can't be a perfect person, so I wonder why it bothers me when I'm not.

I swear I'll get to it eventually

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 01:02:05 GMT

Been working too much. I'm all set to start updating Fox Tails again, but things keep cropping up. For instance, my ol' scanner is not compatible with Vista. I'd heard that a lot of the older ones had such troubles, but never considered it would come up. So now it's not an issue of unwillingness so much as an issue of inability. Haa...

Living by myself with my brother now. He needs to get a damn job soon though, or he's outta here.

It's not uncommon to be unsatisfied with your own writing. But I wonder if a lot of it isn't so much that your writing is bad, but that it's just not as GOOD as the novels you like? I'm pretty picky about my books. Regardless of how popular a book is, I simply can't enjoy it if it isn't well-written *cough*EragonTwilight*cough*. I've tried reading some less notable books recently to broaden my perspective. A couple of those monthly Harlequins and some random teen lit. Eh...I'm beginning to think I can write as well as them. But it's still not up to par with the kind of books I *LIKE*.

I've also checked out some classics. The Count of Monte Cristo and A Clockwork Orange. I was surprised by how easy it was to read the Count. I guess when I think 'classic', I think about flowery, big words and Shakespeare. Orange, on the other hand, has my mind reeling at the language. It's like a coded puzzle. Am I not as smart as I used to be? >_>; The twelve-year-old me was a damn genius...

The next step in learning would be to complete an entire novel. I've learned a bunch of tips and practiced my heart out. But it'll be for naught if I don't even finish what's started.

Something that just occurred to me...

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 05:22:49 GMT

I read a lot, both paper books and e-books. There's something more appealing about owning a real book. Holding it in your hands, smelling that distinct new paper smell, laying in whatever position you want...

But when reading a book on my laptop (depending on the format I suppose) if I don't like a character's name...I can find/change it, haha.

I bring this up after reading a few more pages of "Dark Lover" from the Black Dagger Brotherhood series. I haven't gotten far...mostly because I wince and groan whenever I read a name.

"Beth" is a pretty basic name. But for some reason I...don't like it D: I can't like you, Beth! Your name is offensively close to Bella and I hate that book...

...but the real offenders are the boys of the Brotherhood. Wrath, Tohrment, Vishous, Rhage, Phury, Zsadist FFFFFFF- REALLY? REALLY, MS. AUTHOR?

Yanno I read a list of writing rules/tips somewhere once (come to think of it, they were extremely helpful...I'mma find 'em and post 'em). One of the rules was "Don't be cute." And by that they meant not naming your character "Tohrment".

What's that root I lack?

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 20:55:54 GMT

Seems like my roommate Matt will be moving to California to be with his girlfriend. This sucks. I'm pretty sure I can't stay here if he's gone >.>

The obvious solution would be to sigh and move on back to my dad's, or even my mom's if I want to shake things up a bit.

Or if you're me, you take running leaps and try to get your own apartment. It may sound strange, but I really like my job at Wendy's. Minimum wage blah aside, everyone there has been very good to me. I spoke to my brother, and he seems interested in moving here and getting a job as well. We could end up being roommates.

Unfortunately, even if he gets a job that pays about as much as I'm making, we'll probably still need a bit of help from our parents. At least at first. Mom seems ready to help out, but unfortunately I had to speak to dad too. I'm sure he's willing to help as well too, but...I dunno, I don't want to speak bad of him, but he has a way of sapping my self-confidence. "Are you sure you make enough? What if something happens? Why live in a strange town alone? You could get a job here, you know. You could get an apartment out here." These things a difficult to answer. I don't really know how. It's not as if I've ever done anything like this before.

I wish he could understand that it's not about him or mom. I'm not doing this out here because I'm trying to get away from them. This is just the most promising opportunity that's presented itself. I've done more in the last three months than I've done in the last three years. I don't know what's working, but something is, and I don't want to mess with that. I feel like if I go back...I'll regret it. I'm not sure I'll be able to forgive myself if I become the way I was. Sad, hopeless, lying around without the energy to do anything.

I just want to keep moving forward. I want to find some kind of peace. Independence suits me, I think. I want this to work, and I swear I'll do what I have to.

Bitchnuggets

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 20:40:32 GMT

I deleted my masterlist, since I've come to realize that I'm much too lazy to update it. Plus seeing all those random unfinished projects bums me out.

On the plus side, I've been writing like a good girl.

Since starting work, finding time to write has been more and more difficult. But even though time is harder to come by, I seem to be finding more energy. I've been off my anti-depressants again, but unlike before, I'm finding life tolerable. The brain-in-a-box job seems to be distracting me enough to keep bad thoughts at bay, and leaving me with just the right mindset to relax once I get home.

Not so bad.

Finally about halfway through One Piece and noticed another thing I like about it. Being a shounen manga/anime, it's full of fighting. Usually with multiple characters, all challenging lesser opponents leading up to a final confrontation between the main character and a Big Bad. Somehow this manages to stay interesting, but even if you really get into the story, you can pretty easily predict that the hero will somehow be victorious.

The same can be said about One Piece. The only difference is, it doesn't FEEL like it. Even in a shounen battle setting, it has the ability to bring a real sense of conflict and climax. Deep in your rational thought, you KNOW Luffy is going to somehow come out on top. But all the way there, there's a sense of the gravity of the situation, almost a hopelessness. They cut off all hope of winning, and you're left wondering how the hell this is going to work out. I felt a tear in my eye at the end of the Skypia arc...

Er, anyway, I don't think anime and videogames get enough credit as storytelling venues. They're seen as simplistic and unrefined, and though a lot are, it's possible to create pretty amazing stories. The characters in particular can really shine through and make you care about them while still being 2D illustrations.

One Piece

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 20:05:40 GMT

I really like anime. Okay, now that that's out of the way...

I was watching One Piece last night (the sub, not the dub. Nothing against dubs, just retarded ones). I haven't gotten very far in the series yet, but I'm starting to notice something. At first, I didn't really care for it. It has a strange art-style for an anime, with cracktastic plot-lines to boot. I thought it was a bit too childish for my tastes.

But the more I watched, the more I started noticing the characters. First of all, they're all just as kooky as the plot. As you watch, it's easy to get a grasp of their character, because they all have very distinct personalities. Luffy, the loyal, lucky idiot with a dream. Zoro, the reckless, badass swordsman. Nami, the money-obsessed navigator. Usopp, the cowardly liar with a heart of gold. Sanji, the flirty master cook.

Then you watch further, and you start noticing other things about them. Then you watch MORE and you learn their backstories. Now suddenly these crazy cartoony characters have all these layers to their personalities that make them complex and interesting. You actually start to CARE about them.

It's been a long time since I've watched an anime that's made me do that. It's something that I love about books, but that seems to be lacking from anime and manga. I enjoy those because they're simple and fun. I don't really expect much from them besides basic entertainment. But One Piece is something special, and it's all because of the characters.

Nakama. There's not really a good English word for it. 'Ally' or 'Friend' is the casual translation, but it can have deeper meanings too. It can mean friends that are more like family, or people that are on the same path in life as you. These weird and interesting characters are so different, and yet so alike. I guess I sound pretty geeky, but I hope someday I can make such interesting characters.

Thinking and not doing

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 05:55:43 GMT

I have the common problem among writers of THINKING about writing, but not actually doing it. Don't get me wrong, I eventually get to writing a little bit. But often times I find myself just staring at the screen. I also tend to do this while painting with Photoshop. I'm not sure what it is, but it makes the process a lot longer and drawn out than it has to be. There's also the issue of thinking too much. I begin looking back at what I've written and thinking "Oh, this is awful," or "I'm no good at this." When in reality, I KNOW it's not that bad. I blame most of it on my depression and anxiety disorders (which are luckily being treated now :) I think I might be getting better.)

Anyway, all that reminded me of a short story I read once. It was about a woman who wanted to write, and one day, she saves a cat who promises that he'll make her a famous writer. I recommend it to anyone who wants to read a funny story and learn a thing or two about writing:

How I Became a Famous Writer

Just remember: In order to be a writer, you have to actually WRITE!

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 03:36:44 GMT

Okay, fine. I'm gonna start writing again, and I'll start posting my progress here. I've found a bunch of places that buy short-stories, and I think I'll start there. First thing is getting some stuff written, though, so I'll concentrate on that.

Hallo Everyone

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 20:06:44 GMT

Maybe I'll actually post something here someday. But if you really want to know more about me, it's prolly better if you go to my webcomic:

http://www.magickitsune.com/

or my devArt:

http://magickitsune.deviantart.com/

Test, yo

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 06:32:27 GMT

Testing, testing

You just lost the game.