I read a lot, both paper books and e-books. There's something more appealing about owning a real book. Holding it in your hands, smelling that distinct new paper smell, laying in whatever position you want...

But when reading a book on my laptop (depending on the format I suppose) if I don't like a character's name...I can find/change it, haha.

I bring this up after reading a few more pages of "Dark Lover" from the Black Dagger Brotherhood series. I haven't gotten far...mostly because I wince and groan whenever I read a name.

"Beth" is a pretty basic name. But for some reason I...don't like it D: I can't like you, Beth! Your name is offensively close to Bella and I hate that book...

...but the real offenders are the boys of the Brotherhood. Wrath, Tohrment, Vishous, Rhage, Phury, Zsadist FFFFFFF- REALLY? REALLY, MS. AUTHOR?

Yanno I read a list of writing rules/tips somewhere once (come to think of it, they were extremely helpful...I'mma find 'em and post 'em). One of the rules was "Don't be cute." And by that they meant not naming your character "Tohrment".

Seems like my roommate Matt will be moving to California to be with his girlfriend. This sucks. I'm pretty sure I can't stay here if he's gone >.>

The obvious solution would be to sigh and move on back to my dad's, or even my mom's if I want to shake things up a bit.

Or if you're me, you take running leaps and try to get your own apartment. It may sound strange, but I really like my job at Wendy's. Minimum wage blah aside, everyone there has been very good to me. I spoke to my brother, and he seems interested in moving here and getting a job as well. We could end up being roommates.

Unfortunately, even if he gets a job that pays about as much as I'm making, we'll probably still need a bit of help from our parents. At least at first. Mom seems ready to help out, but unfortunately I had to speak to dad too. I'm sure he's willing to help as well too, but...I dunno, I don't want to speak bad of him, but he has a way of sapping my self-confidence. "Are you sure you make enough? What if something happens? Why live in a strange town alone? You could get a job here, you know. You could get an apartment out here." These things a difficult to answer. I don't really know how. It's not as if I've ever done anything like this before.

I wish he could understand that it's not about him or mom. I'm not doing this out here because I'm trying to get away from them. This is just the most promising opportunity that's presented itself. I've done more in the last three months than I've done in the last three years. I don't know what's working, but something is, and I don't want to mess with that. I feel like if I go back...I'll regret it. I'm not sure I'll be able to forgive myself if I become the way I was. Sad, hopeless, lying around without the energy to do anything.

I just want to keep moving forward. I want to find some kind of peace. Independence suits me, I think. I want this to work, and I swear I'll do what I have to.

I deleted my masterlist, since I've come to realize that I'm much too lazy to update it. Plus seeing all those random unfinished projects bums me out.

On the plus side, I've been writing like a good girl.

Since starting work, finding time to write has been more and more difficult. But even though time is harder to come by, I seem to be finding more energy. I've been off my anti-depressants again, but unlike before, I'm finding life tolerable. The brain-in-a-box job seems to be distracting me enough to keep bad thoughts at bay, and leaving me with just the right mindset to relax once I get home.

Not so bad.

Finally about halfway through One Piece and noticed another thing I like about it. Being a shounen manga/anime, it's full of fighting. Usually with multiple characters, all challenging lesser opponents leading up to a final confrontation between the main character and a Big Bad. Somehow this manages to stay interesting, but even if you really get into the story, you can pretty easily predict that the hero will somehow be victorious.

The same can be said about One Piece. The only difference is, it doesn't FEEL like it. Even in a shounen battle setting, it has the ability to bring a real sense of conflict and climax. Deep in your rational thought, you KNOW Luffy is going to somehow come out on top. But all the way there, there's a sense of the gravity of the situation, almost a hopelessness. They cut off all hope of winning, and you're left wondering how the hell this is going to work out. I felt a tear in my eye at the end of the Skypia arc...

Er, anyway, I don't think anime and videogames get enough credit as storytelling venues. They're seen as simplistic and unrefined, and though a lot are, it's possible to create pretty amazing stories. The characters in particular can really shine through and make you care about them while still being 2D illustrations.

I've been obsessed lately with a Japanese webcomic called Hetalia. Basically, the countries around the world are personified and interact with each other according to historical events. It mostly takes place around WWII. Not only have I learned a lot more about European history than I ever did in school, there's something appealing about a bunch of cute guys re-enacting serious events in hilarious ways.

A lot of people have a problem with it, because it IS a comedy about some pretty unfortunate times in history. Also, it's full of gay under(over?)tones. The characters are stereotypes of their countries. For instance, America enjoys eating burgers and being the hero, while Japan is a former shut-in who enjoys reading the atmosphere. But dammit, it's parody.

It's interesting to see how the characters interact with each other based on their countries relations. England and France are always arguing, and Germany is always looking out for Italy even though they have such different personalities. Another thing I like is that the countries are sometimes shown with their "bosses", signifying that the countries AREN'T their leaders, rather the people and country as a whole.

I think my favorite is Russia, since he's bugshit crazy. But I also like Prussia and Poland.

I love it so much, I'd like to do something to contribute to its awesome fandom. I'm thinking a doujinshi, or if I'm really ambitious, a visual novel game.

Since I posted last, I got a job at Wendy's and am now living with Matt. Also, we found a kitten. It was skinny and alone, no collar and no houses reasonably close by. So now she's ours. And her name is Lady Sylvanas Windrunner.

I wonder if it's okay to take such wild leaps into fate...

I'm thinking Torquere isn't going to reply, since it's been a pretty long time. I kinda wish they'd at least send a rejection, though >.> On the bright side, I've greatly increased the word-count on Worlds.

I still want to do something simple, though. Worlds is going to be a big project. I'd rather start with something smaller, for an ebook publisher. I know quite a few, but that doesn't really help unless there's something to submit.

*scratches head* I sure say "I" a lot...

Still no reply from Torquere, but their turnaround is about two months. I hope they reply though and don't just leave me hanging, 'cause even if it's a rejection, it'll at least let me know it's okay to just post it here instead.

I now have an account at Goodreads, in which I attempt to sound smart with book reviews.

Anyway, now you get to hear what happened to me this month.

It all started with going to Ohayocon, an anime convention. I realized belatedly that my photo ID was expired, and I needed a new one. This was two days before I was supposed to get on a plane. I wasn't worried. I had my birth-certificate and my social security card. I could just pop down to the DMV and- wait, where's my birth certificate?

So began a mad scramble to find it, in which my dad invariably freaks out and my grandma starts crying. Luckily, I was born in Washington, like a half-hour drive. So I was able to go and pick a new one up, instead of having to wait for it to come in the mail. I got it and all is peachy-keen.

I arrive in Ohio and meet my Mom and brother. It was great seeing them again after such a long time. My brother brought two friends, Victor and Tex (dunno his real name. He's from Texas, so that's what we call him). I also got to see my ex, Matt. So we had all kinds of crazy misadventures. Even with Matt sexually harassing Tex, who was a good sport. Matt's friend Alex and some of HIS friends and his sister and HER friend joined in, as well as the ghost of the con, so we had about ten people in the hotel room at once.

What? Ghost of the con? Well, while Matt and my bro were wandering the con, they came across this girl sitting alone and looking kinda sad. They talked to her and invited her to hang out. Turns out her friends ditched her. Her name was Shiro, even though she was very white O.o (ETA: I just realized that her being white and named Shiro is hilarious). She hung out with us the entire time, and very late at night, after everyone in the room fell asleep...instead of robbing us, she simply left a note and vanished. I was left to conclude that she was either the friendly ghost of Ohayocon, or an alien sent to judge the human race. Either way, I think we did well.

So I spent my remaining days at Matt's house...where he got sick and then got ME sick, that asshole. So I threw up my vital organs and missed my flight. And now I'm staying in West Virginia with my mom for awhile instead. How fickle fate is.

Ah, I haven't explained why this is called the Bobart Saga. See, while I was staying with Matt, I suddenly had the overwhelming urge to own a hamster. Never before had I had both the urge AND the means, so I brow-beat Matt into going to the pet-store with me and getting one. And I made the mistake of asking Matt for a name, so now he's Bobart. He's cute and very friendly, doesn't bite or anything.

And I got a sword. Sweet.

I submitted a short story to Torquere Press just now. It looks like a fun and easy place to start, even if they don't accept my first attempt. I was all jazzed about it, but...now I'm freaking out D: *flails*

Considering they're the main characters, shouldn't they be the most interesting?

I bring this up because I was thinking about popular teen books that are terrible yet popular. Particularly Eragon and Twilight. Now, don't hate me if you like them. There are indeed likeable qualities about them, but they just aren't good writing. Even an amateur can notice it.

Let's start with Eragon. He's an arrogant, naive little kid. But I think the most annoying part is that no one reprimands him for it. He thinks he's always right, which would be a great character flaw, except the writing SUPPORTS him for it. He's only, what, 15? (It's been awhile) and yet he never seems to fail at anything and masters everything perfectly. Learning expert swordplay and how to read in a matter of weeks? Really? The only thing he's ever really done wrong was when he blessed that baby with a name that made her "a shield against evil" instead of "shielded against evil." That would have been great, if he was only held more responsible for it.

Another thing I'd like to mention happened at the beginning of Eldest. Which I couldn't finish, btw. Eragon is walking amongst the carnage aftermath of battle. There are dead bodies burning and destroyed stuff everywhere. He picks a tooth up off the ground AND TOSSES IT UP LIKE A COIN. REALLY? He's a KID. He was a FARM BOY less than a year ago! He's only experienced real gore two, maybe three times? And yet he picks up some poor soul's tooth off the ground and plays with it whilst 'brooding' over the battle?

Remember, people: IT'S OKAY for your character to have weakness. Even if he's "OMG, The Chosen One, So Sayeth The Prophecy". In fact, it makes them more likeable and relateable. How I would've written it? Eragon is brooding over the battle. He and Saphira just killed a bunch of people (or Urgals...whatever, killed) and a bunch of people on his side were just killed.

Here's how I would've done it. He's distraught, and picks up a stone to distract himself. Suddenly, he realizes it's a tooth and throws it down in horror and disgust! The reality of the situation comes crashing down on him, and he does one of three things.
a) throws-up
b) starts crying and runs away so no one sees his weakness
c) both

I could go on and on about Eragon, but we'll get into that later. Next is Twilight.

Now, I'm only about halfway through the first book. I've read a bunch of bad things about it, but I'm of the opinion that you shouldn't snark a book unless you've read it first. But damn, it's hard.

There's a certain charm about it. What teenage girl doesn't dream of having a hawt mysterious vampire being interested in you and you being ~*~special~*~. Unfortunately, teenage wet-dreams don't translate well into novels. The characters, particularly the main ones, are blank. Fake. They're 2-D ideas with names that get copy&pasted into situations as needed. I was AWARE I was reading a book. Which shouldn't happen. The reader should be emerged in the world, not knowing they're looking at a page with letters on it.

Bella: *stares longingly*
Edward: You shouldn't be around of me! I'm dangerous!
Bella: Um, okay...
Edward: We're still on for Saturday, right?
Bella: Yeah *-*

Yeah, no. I could understand if Edward was conflicted. He doesn't want to hurt her, but he can't stand to be away from her either. This would make sense if the book actually gave a reason he liked her that much in the first place. Okay, she smells tasty. If he wants so bad to protect his family's secret and not hurt her, wouldn't he do everything he could to stay away from her? If he wants to be as close to her as possible after that, wouldn't that just make him an ass? Normally, I could let him get away with that based on teenage hormones and lack of common sense, but isn't he like a 90-year-old vampire? He doesn't get free-passes. Speaking of, who in their right minds would willingly go to highschool repeatedly when they're powerful old vampires? And who's renewing their birth-certificates?

I might do it if I was actually a 90-year-old guy trying to get laid with a hawt highschool girl. But that just reinforces my "Edward is an ass" theory. Best yet? He's a virgin. I absolutely refuse to believe a 90-year-old teenager is a virgin. I'm sorry, you strange, Mormon author.

Also, vampires don't sparkle. I'm sorry, they just don't. Even the smexy romanticized ones by Anne Rice burst into flames or at least get sun-burn. Aversion to sunlight is a huge chunk of the vampire "persona". I realize you had to think of a way to get him to attend daylight highschool, but you may have gotten away with it by just blaming the constant clouds. I'm also not fond of the apparent lack of fangs and the ability to live off animals instead of people. Really, so they eat animals, don't have fangs, and can go outside during the day...they're kinda...JUST LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE.

MY POINT. It's actually pretty hard to write an interesting main character. I have this problem too. You could write amusing, amazing side-characters and have a dull, uninteresting main one. This is because the main character has to be so FLEXIBLE. You have to fit him/her into so many different situations to make the plot move along that it's difficult to give them a set personality.

However, you should consider editing the story itself before compromising the character. Paolini and Meyer took the short route and just made blank characters to follow a story in their head. But what makes a story interesting, imo, is the characters. Not the plot itself. The story is events happening and the characters reacting and making decisions based on them. Instead, they have a story they want to happen and just inserting the characters to fit.

I liked Eragon, because I read it when I was 15. If I tried again, I'm sure I'd hate it. I'm also sure I would've loved Twilight at 15. Now that I'm trying to write myself, and paying attention to certain things, I'm noticing how entertainment has really gone downhill...

Edge of Red

By Magic Kitsune

Rated: MA
Warnings: Heavy violence, psychotic-ness, language
A/N: Kael is a side-character from "Worlds," the temporary name for the main novel thing I'm working on. Kael is particularly interesting to me. He's unbalanced and psychotic, but his madness isn't always so straightforward. Antagonists that are violent with nothing else to their characters are dull. I think he deserves a back-story, though I can't fit it in the story itself. So how about a small story of its own?

This story is very rough and un-beta'd. It should only be found here and maybe at a couple of forums I visit.

( Edge of Red, Chapter 1 )

Like I said, it's very rough. Almost yucky. Please feel free to crit! I promise I'm not the butthurt kind.

I can't understand why people think that it's OKAY to do this. Fine, your religion doesn't condone homosexuality. That's fine. Whatever. But did you ever stop to think that MAYBE AMERICA ISN'T A THEOCRACY?

Some say they don't mind if homosexual couples get the same rights, as long as it isn't called marriage. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Do you have ANY idea how hypocritical that is? Who the FUCK do you think you are? Do you have any idea how many religions don't give two shits about homosexuality? What about atheists? Last I checked, atheists get to still call it marriage.

The only solace I have is that I KNOW this travesty isn't going to last. I can tell because I see how different we treat women compared to fifty years ago. How we treat different races. This isn't even as huge as those movements. I know someday we're going to get past all this hate.

There are two types of people in this world. Those who have seen Rocky Horror Picture Show, and those who haven't. Just thought I'd toss that out there.

To take my mind off the pill issue (I got a call, so at least I know they're on their way) I'm going to ramble.

Today's topic is "Low self-esteem people need to STFU."

Being as awesome as I am, I often get the attention of males. This is both kinda neat and kinda sucky. At first I thought I couldn't have guy-friends because they always ALWAYS (this happened six times, so ALWAYS) fall in love with me. After I began taking my pills and became more social and met new people, I realized that I could indeed have platonic guy-friends. It turns out it was guys with low self-esteem I couldn't be friends with.

When someone has a bad day and tells you about it, the first reaction is to comfort them. I do this. They like that. All is well. Until they start doing it every single time you talk to them. It gets really fucking old. But to be polite, you continue to pet their ego. Then the stalking starts.

Okay, not stalking, but then they won't leave you alone and you begin to hate talking to them so much, you start having to avoid them.

Look, I have depression. I know what it's like to feel sad and hopeless all the time. It's fucked up my life pretty bad. But I don't bitch at people about it every chance I get. See that post below this one? About my pills? That's about the extent I'm willing to complain. And that's fine. It's okay to be upset. But when you start going into how your head hurts, and your life sucks, and you can't get a girl/guy, and blah? Nobody cares. I figure you can do this when something really bad happens, but every other day? No. Just no. People have too many problems of their own to be your crutch. Buy a journal. (I should note: I'm not saying don't seek help if you think you have depression. I'm saying don't turn your problems into other people's problems. Nobody knew anything was wrong with me until I threatened myself with a knife. This isn't something to be proud of either, though.)

People have friends for multiple reasons. Support, connections, stuff, conversation, etc. Conversations are especially true for internet friends. Chatting is a pleasant way to pass the time and share information. If all you have to talk about are unpleasant things, then it makes the other person feel unpleasant. People don't have friends to feel unpleasant all the time, and they certainly don't have boyfriends for it.

I'm not being nice to you because I like you. It's because I ONCE liked you, and now I can hardly stand you, but I don't want to upset you.

Here, have a list:

* If you call yourself a loser or any form of it. If you call yourself one, it makes you look like one. It also makes it look like you're fishing for sympathy, which isn't attractive. Modesty is fine, but don't be a freaking pussy.

* If you constantly talk about your troubles. If something bad happens to a friend, they have my shoulder and all my resources. But if I hardly know you or talking to you starts feeling like a chore, we're going to stop hanging out.

* If you never have anything interesting to say or talk about besides yourself. I'm sure you think your problems are terribly interesting, but usually, they're not.

* If you hound for attention and freak out if I'm gone for awhile. Holy crap, do you have any idea how creepy that is? It makes people feel like they're on leashes.

If you do these things, I'm not going to like you. And chances are, most other people won't either. You complain you have no friends? Because you aren't fun to be around. Act you like have some goddamn dignity.

I am not going to be your crutch. You can learn to support your own weight like the rest of us. If someone as messed up as me can do it, you sure as hell can. And if you beg to differ? Good luck with that, I have my own problems.

So I ran out of anti-depressants about...three days ago. I'm supposed to be taking them twice a day. I sent in my mail-order a long time ago to get another three-month supply, but it shows no sign of coming. I swear, every single time I work with these people, something goes wrong.

It's weird. Some days I'm not sure if the pills are actually working, but then shit like this happens and I can totally tell the difference. Ugh, I feel awful. I haven't updated my comic in almost two weeks. I want to at least give them an explanation, but it's embarrassing...

Not much writing going on either. This is really starting to suck.

Long time no write. My dad was talking about how he went to school with the guy who founded Dark Horse Comics, and they're stationed right here in this city. Holy crap, right? He said he talked to him the other day, and they're desperate to hire people who won't steal from them. Since I have experience with comic-esque things, stealing has always been a no-no for me, and my dad knows a guy, there's a good chance I can get a job at one of their shops.

I went down to their store, and unfortunately my anxiety started acting up pretty bad. I think it's because I came in during a busy time (there were people playing board-games and whatnot). I also don't do so well in new environments. I think it'd be really fun to work there, so I'm going to visit a few more times and get accustomed to it before I try applying.

Another thing that worries me is that I'm more familiar with manga than western comics. I should probably study-up a bit too. Eee, too nervous.

Heh, I thought of another comic idea. If I can get close to Dark Horse, maybe I have a better shot at getting it published. I've never really tried drawing in an American style, and I'm still not at a professional level at drawing people...I am, however, very good at drawing animals. So the all the characters are animals. Hee. It's called Mutt, but I'm not gonna go into much detail here. I hope I can make something good.

...

I don't know why I'm such a tard when it comes to energy shots. Yes, I tried another. I saw it at the comic store. It was a potion bottle of blue liquid called "Mana," how could I resist? It tasted a lot better than that other crap, and I think it worked better too. It was still hard on my anxiety, though. I guess energy drinks just aren't for me. Oh well.

Did you know there was a comic version of Anita Blake? I sure didn't. *glee*

So "Worlds" is at about 15k words now. I'm roughly estimating it'll be around 75k words when it's finished, so I still have a long way to go. The most I've ever written on a single story was 50k, but since I was a lot younger, it's not salvageable. Usually something like that would frustrate me, but not really. It means I CAN write a long story, and I've had a little bit of practice.

Like before, I'm concentrating heavily on characters. I want all of them to be unique and realistic, even the minor ones. It feels like one of my weaknesses is having a couple of interesting characters, and then a bunch of fillers. I'm especially bad at main characters, for whatever reason. I think I'm getting better, though. I'm spending time on each one to make sure they have the personalities they deserve.

Of course...I've spent so much time on the characters, I'm beginning to wonder if my plot is suffering. I want to keep it interesting, afterall.

Oh, I just started playing this game called Wolf Quest (www.wolfquest.org). It's mostly for kids, but I'm having fun with it. You can design and play a wolf, and even play with your friends online. It's pretty new right now, though. So all you can really do is find a mate and go hunting. Still, it's kinda fun to waste time with. In future installments, they say they're going to try adding scent marking and pups :3

It was designed by actual wolf experts, and they keep saying how they want to keep it realistic. Like a learning experience for people who either don't know much about or idealize wolves too much. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not a furry. But I just adore animals, and I adore the idea behind this game. I hope it does well in the future!

The novel-length story I'm concentrating most on right now (codenamed 'Worlds' until I think of a real title), is very loosely based on something I tried to write when I was 14. I still have the old story file, and I'm sure you can imagine my mixture of shame and disgust upon reading it.

This one has a new main character, Quinn. Unlike the Mary-Sue old main-character, Carmen, he actually has a personality and reason for his actions. He is also a Muse (sort of a police officer for different dimensions) rather than an average highschool girl getting caught up in Muse business. I've found it's MUCH easier to tell the story from this perspective, and a lot less generic.

However, I've also kept many characters from the old version. And the further I write, the more I realize I can actually recycle a lot of scenes. While most of my teenage word-vomit is irredeemable, there are the few gems that can be saved. They require a great deal of re-writing, but still. It reminds me how much I've improved over these few years, but that I also wasn't completely hopeless back then.

As a sufferer of chronic fatigue and general laziness, I've chosen to purchase a bottle of the much advertised "5-Hour Energy." I read about it extensively through Google, to be aware of all possible outcomes. I have decided to post a timeline of my experience for your benefit/amusement. My journey begins at noon.

( It got kinda long, so it's behind a cut )

I really suck with coming up with titles for...well, anything. I'm also not so good with naming locations.

I end up writing a bunch on a story, but never really thinking about what to call it. I know what the plot is, who the characters are, and where the story is going, but damn. The obvious last resort would be naming the book after the main character, but I find that kinda tacky. But I suppose the title isn't really important until you're finishing the final product.

As for location names, I have a cheap trick. I look for a random word generator online, then find a semi-ambiguous word. Then I change it slightly to fit my needs. It's not a place, but the name "Kampori" for the wolf pack in my webcomic Fox Tails started that way. The generator gave me "camporee." Yeah.

But I can't exactly do that for the actual title. I guess I'll have to burn that bridge when we come to it.

I really like anime. Okay, now that that's out of the way...

I was watching One Piece last night (the sub, not the dub. Nothing against dubs, just retarded ones). I haven't gotten very far in the series yet, but I'm starting to notice something. At first, I didn't really care for it. It has a strange art-style for an anime, with cracktastic plot-lines to boot. I thought it was a bit too childish for my tastes.

But the more I watched, the more I started noticing the characters. First of all, they're all just as kooky as the plot. As you watch, it's easy to get a grasp of their character, because they all have very distinct personalities. Luffy, the loyal, lucky idiot with a dream. Zoro, the reckless, badass swordsman. Nami, the money-obsessed navigator. Usopp, the cowardly liar with a heart of gold. Sanji, the flirty master cook.

Then you watch further, and you start noticing other things about them. Then you watch MORE and you learn their backstories. Now suddenly these crazy cartoony characters have all these layers to their personalities that make them complex and interesting. You actually start to CARE about them.

It's been a long time since I've watched an anime that's made me do that. It's something that I love about books, but that seems to be lacking from anime and manga. I enjoy those because they're simple and fun. I don't really expect much from them besides basic entertainment. But One Piece is something special, and it's all because of the characters.

Nakama. There's not really a good English word for it. 'Ally' or 'Friend' is the casual translation, but it can have deeper meanings too. It can mean friends that are more like family, or people that are on the same path in life as you. These weird and interesting characters are so different, and yet so alike. I guess I sound pretty geeky, but I hope someday I can make such interesting characters.

I have the common problem among writers of THINKING about writing, but not actually doing it. Don't get me wrong, I eventually get to writing a little bit. But often times I find myself just staring at the screen. I also tend to do this while painting with Photoshop. I'm not sure what it is, but it makes the process a lot longer and drawn out than it has to be. There's also the issue of thinking too much. I begin looking back at what I've written and thinking "Oh, this is awful," or "I'm no good at this." When in reality, I KNOW it's not that bad. I blame most of it on my depression and anxiety disorders (which are luckily being treated now :) I think I might be getting better.)

Anyway, all that reminded me of a short story I read once. It was about a woman who wanted to write, and one day, she saves a cat who promises that he'll make her a famous writer. I recommend it to anyone who wants to read a funny story and learn a thing or two about writing:

How I Became a Famous Writer

Just remember: In order to be a writer, you have to actually WRITE!